Have you been asking yourself, “Why am I always so angry?” or “Why do I get angry so easily?” 

Well, hi! I am Jason T. Link, a licensed professional counselor in Indiana, Pennsylvania, and anger management among other topics like addiction, anxiety, and depression is what I specialize in

Today let’s break down the question of ‘Why am I always so angry?’ and then talk about some impactful solutions so you don’t have to feel this way. 

First, I want to start by reassuring you that anger is a normal human emotion and even if it is uncontrolled in your case, it doesn’t make you a bad person and there are ways to overcome it!

Physical Signs of Anger

In addition to what you are feeling on the inside, there are some physical signs that happen with anger. These can be signs such as: 

  • Jaw clenching
  • Flushed face, warm feeling, & sweating
  • Screaming
  • Arguing
  • Tense muscles
  • A rapid heartbeat
  • Chest tightness
  • Headaches and/or dizziness
  • Shaking or tremors
  • Stomach discomfort 

It can be important to be able to recognize these physical signs of anger because, at the moment, we may not be able to identify our emotional feelings as anger. Identifying our anger is always the first step for the solutions we will talk about later below. 

If you recognize a couple or more of these physical signs of anger happening, understand that you are experiencing anger even if you can’t express that anger is the feeling you are having.

Causes of Anger

So, the big question is, what exactly causes anger? 

Unfortunately, there are a lot of causes of anger and it is highly individualized to your specific situation. Your anger can even be caused by a combination of things or be caused by something different in various situations. 

Despite being quite variable, these are some of the major causes of anger. 

Stress

One of the big triggers of anger is constant stress. Individuals with continuously high levels of stress tend to be more on edge and overwhelmed which can easily trigger feelings of anger with even the smallest problem or no provoking at all. Stress can be from family troubles, relationship issues, financial struggles, a high-pressure workplace, and all sorts of things life throws at us. 

Unprocessed Trauma

Another cause of anger is unprocessed trauma. We all have trauma whether we realize it or not. Many individuals push traumatic experiences from childhood or even events in adulthood so far inside that they forget it ever happened. Despite your best efforts, this trauma can present itself in unexpected ways including through uncontrollable anger. 

High Expectations

High expectations or the feeling of high expectations whether imposed by others or even yourself can be a cause of anger. When we feel like we are not meeting expectations, it can cause feelings of being not good enough which leads to anger. Though in these cases we are usually angry at ourselves, it is easy to take out that anger we’re feeling about ourselves on others. 

Grief

Grief can make you angry at the world. After all, it is one of the recognized stages of grief. How could the world be cruel enough to take this person from you or angry at yourself for not doing ‘x, y, & z’? Grief is a tough situation and the anger seems to come out of nowhere and be taken out on the nearest object or person around. 

Misunderstood

Similar to the feeling of high expectations, feeling misunderstood by everyone around you or those that are important to you can ignite anger through frustration. It’s frustrating for people to not understand you and write you off because of it, so being misunderstood and not validated is a common cause of anger. 

Underlying Mental Health Condition

Another cause of anger is an underlying mental health condition. Mental health disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder are strongly associated with anger. You may unknowingly have an undiagnosed mental health disorder that could be causing your frequent feelings of anger.

How to Manage Anger

Now that we’ve gone through some of the common causes of anger, it’s time to consider your options for how to manage that anger. No matter the cause, there are quite a few things you can implement to stop asking yourself, “Why am I always so angry?”

Relaxation Techniques

Relaxation techniques are the first level of attack because they can be implemented immediately and at the moment when you need to reset. 

 

A few relaxation techniques I like to teach include deep breathing with visualization of a calming scene. Now, this scene can be truly whatever your personal happy place is. It doesn’t have to be the typical serene body of water, beach, forest, or whatever everyone tells you to picture. If you are your happiest while petting your dog, then, by all means, take slow, deep breaths while picturing petting your dog. 

Another technique I like is to surround yourself with music. Music can provoke a strong emotional response, so instead of putting on music that fuels how you are feeling, choose something that is the opposite. So, rather than heavy metal which may be a reflection of how you are feeling, go with something like acoustic pop or jazz. The goal is to use music as a tool to switch your emotions into a different category. 

Finally, a quick relaxation technique is to physically get the anger out in a safe way. This may be with a punching bag, a long run, throwing a ball as hard as you can, or any physical expression that does not harm you or others. 

Analyzing the Source

Narrowing down the source of your anger is a more long-term solution than relaxation techniques. Once you have analyzed the source or sources of your anger, you can begin to solve the problem from its root to have longer-lasting success. 

Much of the time, counseling is a big help. Many of us don’t even know where to start with finding the source of our emotions, so reaching out for professional help will give you someone that understands the turmoil your anger is causing and a teammate to conquer it together. 

Emotional Outlets

Like various relaxation techniques help calm or switch angry emotions at the moment, emotional outlets can help keep them at bay by letting them out before they become too strong to control. 

For instance, you may consider taking up yoga as a hobby to maintain a calmer mindset or you may run every morning to get your frustrations out before starting your day. 

Adding activities that allow you to release underlying anger as a part of your daily routine can prevent frequent outbursts.

Healthy Lifestyle Changes

Lack of sleep, a poor diet, substance use, and an overall “unhealthy” lifestyle can contribute to higher levels of stress and more volatile emotions. Consider making some healthy lifestyle changes like getting uninterrupted sleep, eating a diet full of nutritious whole foods, and switching to mocktails to help with anger management. 

A healthy lifestyle helps us keep a more stable baseline which then makes it more difficult for the anger to get out of control. 

Understanding Support

It’s likely that those around you have never experienced the feeling of anger in the same way that you may be feeling it. 

This is why it can be helpful to join an anger management support group. With a support group, you can share your experiences, thoughts, and feelings without judgment to people who have been in shoes similar to yours. 

You might also get some great insight into what has helped others like you, though nonetheless, it is always helpful to have someone in your corner that knows exactly how you are feeling.

Anger Management & Counseling Makes A Huge Difference

Quit asking yourself, “Why am I always so angry?” and take steps to feel better. Don’t know where to start? Simply reach out to me! 

As a licensed professional counselor, I can work with you to analyze the source of your anger, develop coping techniques, connect you to support groups, and be a safe, private, and understanding place to fight your darkest demons. We can do this together!